Before i start, let me say this is a VERY depressing post.
honestly, i think this post can be skipped cause it probably wont make sense.

Let me start by saying im going through a tough, probably the toughest, period of my entire life.

i really should be sleeping now since i've report at the science centre early tomorrow morning. on a side note, i really did rather well today imo, too bad everything was just a facade.

Maybe like what Ruyan said, its too sudden, so we are unable to accept it. i mean, less than a month ago, we were just celebrating and now everything is just screwed. i cant, i just cant.

cant imagine how it happened, cant imagine life in the future. cant do this.
i dont think i feel so weak before, so helpless. and i dont think i've cried so much in such a short amount of time either.

sombre, empty, sad, hurt, guilty, anger. These are practically my emotions these few days. Interchanging, but never leaving these. So bad i have to fake my emotions. the good thing about me is, i lie and pretend so well, i believe myself at times too, that everything is fine. i guess its sort of a good thing.

so many things im seeing that's killing me slowly.

cant continue typing, cant stop crying alr. shall stop here.

there is a 0.01% chance that everything is just a false alarm. i know its small but i will hang on to anything.

hang on, pull through. i love you, we love you. please dont give up. cause we dont mind, please please hang on.