Hello world,

it has been 2 weeks, one day and 21 hours 20 mins, and counting.
im on my way to recovery. :)

have to thank Ben for rushing down to the wake, just to offer me moral support.
And Gim Ann and the LTC family to have offered (though they couldnt make it in the end)
Not sure how i would have survived the onslaught of suffocating thoughts without the constant concern from them as well as my dear classmates.
of course my dear cousins made it better. :)
i guess us facing the same thing, we grieve together, making it easier to understand what each of us were going through. :)

It still hurts, and i doubt the pain of losing you will ever go away. But im getting used to it :)
Forever and always; and i learnt my lesson. Always appreciate what you have. :)

Not sure if its the pain, but i felt very bitter towards their absence. Not angry, and not fully disappointed too. Kinda like 认命, as if my thoughts were just reaffirmed. Not sure if its me expecting too much, to expect my friends to be there for me. But then again, one can hardly blame me, seeing that they can do it for ____ as well. i guess, i shouldnt have assumed, it wasnt the same, less magnitude perhaps? Afterall, expectations kills. And its not like they HAVE to do that for me. Cause its a privilege, not a right. so yes, i should just let go of the bitter feeling, after i have ranted. Kinda conflicting though this feeling, cause i know i shouldnt blame them, yet that doesnt stop me from feeling bitter. Humans emotion, forever that troublesome to understand. Nevermind, must appreciate what they did anw. 

Feels as though everything i see how has some sort of grey tinge to it. Not sure if it has something to do with my mood as a whole, but i honestly doubt it. The grey tinge was always there, i just chose to ignore it. Now that i finally decide to acknowledge it, im shocked, and sadly, disillusioned. But its alright, i should try to ignore it again, because life is beautiful, and i need my dose of optimism to fully enjoy it. I think my cheerfulness is really gone these days, since everyone seem to tell me they want the cheerful, playful and happy Abigail back. Soon people, soon. :)

On a bright side, Orientation is coming. I'm crazily excited!! and now that there isnt anything more to dread, i cant wait to say bye to TJ. It isnt bad, but it isnt my type of school.

Bring it, As. i will conquer you like how i conquered PSLE and Olevels :) i will do my best, for real.